Answering A Comment

A poster asked an interesting question in the comments to this post:

http://giftieetcetera.blogspot.com/2007/12/for-those-who-dont-know.html

You might want to refresh by reading the original post and the comments in order to understand the response I am about to give.

Her final question was in response to something I said. I said, "I didn't say that I think it's okay for people to murder their children, nor do I think it's OK for people to choose to murder their own children."

She responded, "Then why do you consider yourself pro-choice? (I am genuinely confused...)"

First, let me say that my originally post was not in anyway intended to be a political one, or a debate sort of post about either pro-life versus pro-choice, or a questioning of my choice to have a D&C. It was a reflection on how the D&C made me feel, and places where it affirmed my moral beliefs, and places where it shaped and changed them in my mind.

But I'll readily admit I used a hot button word, "pro-choice," and I guess that gets people's attention. I didn't intend that...I simply intended to explore my feelings.

However, I will explain what I mean, because I try to respond to comments and keep a back and forth going on my blog. :)

I think is that it is extremely hard to tell sometimes if a baby is still alive or not, and that decision (whether the baby is alive...not whether there should be an abortion) is better made by medical professionals and patients rather than legislators. My fear of anti-abortion laws is that the government, if it tells us when to not terminate a pregnancy (and I did terminate the pregnancy, which was not terminating on its own and causing me major medical complications that I am still dealing with today, even though the baby had long since died), a woman may be faced with life-threatening complications EVEN THOUGH THERE IS NOT A LIVING BABY TO PROTECT. I don't think it's the government's job to tell us how to handle our medical care. I think, in fact, that is DANGEROUS to let the government tell us how to handle our pregnancies (as well as end of life decisions).

I'm not pro-choice because I ever believe a person should ever have an abortion. I am pro-choice because I believe the government needs to stay out of our doctor's offices, and instead, doctors and individuals have to take reasoned, moral stands to protect life.

I imagine in horror a world where the government comes in and says that a woman must deliver via c-section, because some study says that c-section babies have better outcomes, and the woman gets forcibly cut open, even though she believes that she should have a natural childbirth. (I'm not saying the study exists, or not. I am saying that I'm scared of the government's response if it does exist.) Heck, I'm even more scared that the government will stop all epidurals, because some politician decides it's better not to have pain meds. I should decide that, with my doctor, my husband, my Church...not my President or my Senator.

I imagine a world where the government forces me to use, or not to use, birth control. Either way is unacceptable. I will not use hormonal birth control again, and if you let the government get involved in pregnancies, they could force me to do so.

I imagine a world where the government forces breastfeeding, or formula-feeding, or public-schooling, or home-schooling.

I imagine a world where the government decides what Ander should and shouldn't learn.

That world is not hard to imagine. It already exists, in many ways.

So while I consider myself 100% pro-life (life begins at conception, the end of life should be God-induced and not human-induced, my personal morals forbid me from getting or assisting a person in getting an abortion, I oppose the death penalty, and I feel a moral and ethical obligation to support adoption options - which I actively do through my career), I am pro-choice (for want of a better description) because I don't want the government to decide when a D&C (or other procedure terminating a pregnancy, even if it does not terminate a life) is warranted and appropriate, morally or otherwise. Pro-choice is the political buzzword that is used to describe people who don't want the termination of pregnancy decision to be the government's decision, but I would prefer pro-life, but anti-government interference in beginning and end of life issues, as those are moral and family issues where minimal interference and much prayer is most appropriate.

The other aspect of this is that, as a Catholic Christian, it is difficult for me to call a person who does have or support abortion (not that I am or will ever be one of those people) a murderer. How can something be murder, if your conscience and your church (small "c" - whatever your church is) does not teach it is so? Under Catholic doctrine, to be morally reprehensible, a person must be aware of the immorality of their act. I don't think Jesus Christ would go around calling people murderers because they had abortions. I think he would educate them on the sanctity of life. And if you start with the word murder, they often stop listening, and at that point, there is no educating.

There is another entire aspect to this. I know there are women with missed miscarriages who cannot tell if the baby has stopped living for many weeks, and sometimes months. I cannot imagine their pain. I also know that there are women who would truly rather miscarry at home. Just as I think it's not the government's business to decide when the baby's soul is gone to God, I don't think it's their business to tell these women they must have a D&C, even if these women hold off the D&C to the point of risking their lives. The women are entitled to wait for a miracle, at any costs.

There was no miracle available in my case. I prayed about it. More than I've ever prayed before. I was already having major problems, and am currently seeing a doctor for serious problems arising out of the miscarriage. Going longer before the D&C was not an option for me. I know that God gave me an answer.

Did you know that the Church does not teach that my baby's soul goes to Heaven? I researched it extensively. I think the Church is wrong. I named the baby Grace Pax (Grace and Peace) because I think God can give grace and receive the baby into Heaven. It's not the only thing I think the Church is wrong about, BTW. It's just the latest one. Voting pro-life is another one (because I truly believe that being and acting and living a pro-life life is important, and leaving Caesar to deal with his business and God and the disciplines of God on Earth to deal with God's business is the way to honor God).

This is probably more of an explanation than any of my loyal readers expected. Frankly, it's probably more revealing of my religion beliefs than I've ever revealed before. But I think it's important stuff to say, both for other women suffering miscarriage who might stumble upon my site, and for my loyal readers, some of whom only get to really know me through this weird, long-distance relationship of the internet.

I didn't proof this, BTW, so forgive any typos. ;)

Etcetera.