Obsessed With the Birth

When I was pregnant with Ander, I just wanted to not think about the birth - at all. I wanted to pretend that babies DO NOT come out the way that they do. I didn't want a c-section (especially since I scar in a particularly non-attractive way and the doctors say I probably always will), but there was some draw to it. After all, I wouldn't have to get the baby out if I had a c-section.

This time, though, I've had the JOY of an epidural without the PAIN of c-section recovery, and while it wasn't a breeze, a delivery exactly like the one I had with Ander would be perfect.

But that's not the part of the birth I am obsessed about...LOL.

I'm worried the baby won't come back in the room with me. I don't think I could handle another NICU baby. It sucked so bad, and I was so tired, and ended up in the hospital myself...that is not an acceptable outcome. Every little Braxton-Hicks contraction makes me hold my breathe. I am constantly checking if my water is breaking, even though I am only 24 weeks along.

I don't want the birth to come too early, because I want my baby in the room with me and want the baby to come home with me. But I'm still ready for the birth to be over, so I can stop being scared of a different outcome.

Rachel (B.) and I have been talking a lot about visitors in the hospital because she's having her baby next week. Last time, I was sure I wanted lots of visitors. After all, I am very social. And I needed the visitors, to some extent, because I needed the distraction. But I had so much I needed to do, like visit the baby. Honestly (and predictably, with a family as big as mine), I had too many visitors. I didn't get enough sleep. I NEVER got to take a bath in the hospital (despite doctor's instructions to take three baths a day). I never had time, with rushing back and forth to the NICU.

At the same time, I don't want to limit visitors ahead of time. I still have memories of seeing Rachel (S.) after Nick was born. He was two hours old (I was only there because I was delivering Grandma from the airport...I don't want to see any of your sorry faces two hours after the baby arrives...;)) and she was enjoying a huge burger and fries! If all goes perfectly, I might still want tons of visitors. After all, I really am very social.

But I am not so innocent this time. I understand that things might not go perfectly. And I might need sleep, or a bath, or just time alone with my husband and Ander and my baby. So I'll play it by ear this time. I don't think there is anyway to keep the grandparents and aunts away, but I won't hesitate to kick them out this time when I get tired. (And if kicking them out means sending them to Outback to pick me up some cheese fries, well, all the better. ;)) And, obviously, the Godparents (well, the Godparent who can drive, at least...he he) will likely want to see the baby. But everyone else MIGHT (depending on my mood) have to wait until I (and baby, hopefully) get home.

At least I know my friends get this. They all visited last time only AFTER Alan posted that it was cool to visit. But my extended family...well, we shall see. Maybe I'll have Stac keep the delivery secret from everyone until the baby gets home. :) (Stac, are you that powerful that you could keep it secret?) I just know something might have to be different, depending on how things go, and I'll need to be stronger in asserting my choices and need to rest.

Now, you know that since I posted this, I'll probably whine to Alan the entire time I'm in the hospital that I'm bored and lonely, right? :/

Etcetera.