Socializing

I've had, and will have, several different social events at my home. I would say this is unusual for us. Generally, we only have one or two social events in a whole year. But it was my turn for Thanksgiving (among those in my family who could have it this year) and next week is Loki's Christening. In between, might as well celebrate a friend's birthday while the house is clean. The weird thing is that all the social events had/will have a different set of guests. Thanksgiving obviously involves my immediate family, the birthday involved all of my friend's family and closest friends,including people all the way from Mansfield and Michigan, and the Christening involves the godparents and my immediate family.

I'm exhausted, of course, with all the cleaning and cooking. And, wow, I've spent a lot of time with family recently.

But I actually feel like I haven't been just trapped in the house. And after months of bedrest and new babyhood, I am ready to not feel trapped.

The mall still makes me feel trapped, just FYI.

Damn that shopping list.

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"Fool Proof" Turkey

My Jenny-O turkey breast promises it is "fool proof", right on the bag. I know how to cook a real turkey (thank you, Alton Brown), but no one in my family eats the dark meat, so I figured the fool proof turkey breast was the way to go.

Unpacking the groceries on Monday night, Alan asked where the turkey goes. "In the fridge," I said. Obviously, turkey always goes in the fridge to defrost three days before Thanksgiving. I am so smart. {pats self on back for forward thinking braininess}

Fast forward to Tuesday night. "Kristy, you wanted this turkey in the fridge, right?"

Annoyed and exasperated, "yes." {rolls eyes at hubby}

"Even though it says 'from freezer to perfect' and 'store in freezer' on the bag?"

Silent pause.

FOOL PROOF. IT SAID FOOL PROOF, DAMMIT. {exclamation point}

And why couldn't Alan mention the instructions on the bag, um, say, Monday WHEN HE SAW THEM AND ASKED ME WHERE TO PUT THE BAG? :(

I put it back in the freezer and am cooking it today anyway. It wasn't defrosted yet...and salmonella is just a silly myth...right?

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A Year Ago

Midmorning, a year ago, my ultrasound showed an empty sac. It seems forever ago. And it seems like yesterday.

The feelings you have when a baby is born who couldn't have existed without another baby not surviving are strange. Loki is here because that baby is not. Yesterday, I did a case involving a baby born last July, when Grace Pax (our lost angel) would have been born. I wouldn't trade Loki for anything. But that doesn't stop my mind from playing "what if." I know I'd be sadder if Loki wasn't here, but I feel guilty for feeling okay (still sad, but okay) because he is, since he only exists because that baby isn't here.

I'll hug my babies a little tighter today. Do me a favor and go hug a little one for me today, okay?

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Jealousy

My last post was about all the ways I am jealous of my husband. But here's a way I'm not: I am not jealous of his relationships with other women.

I adore his ex-girlfriends. One is one of my best friends. Another is one of the sweetest people I know.

I don't mind at all when he lunches with his work colleagues (and ex-colleagues) who are female. I've noticed that they often make a point to invite me along, which is cool. But I rarely go, but it's nice that I'm welcome. It means I never have to get jealous.

So when I got this e-mail while I was on-line today, I certainly wasn't jealous:

hi Kristy,

I know this is really weird, but is Alan home? Can you ask him where he is parked on Dark Pirates so I can take him out. Manoss got him once, lol. He'll know what that means,

Thanks
Debbie

But, boy, did I mock him! HA HA HA. His virtual "girlfriends" are always contacting me. Kristy, can Alan get on-line to check something? Kristy, does Alan have the link to that child development website? Kristy, can you ask Alan his Xbox call sign?

At least I know they all know about me, huh? LOL.

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I'm Jealous

At 6 a.m., I get up to nurse Loki while Alan gets ready for work. When Alan turns on the water for his bath, Ander hears it and wakes up. He needs his diaper changed (or he leaks out), a sippy of milk, and cartoons on. Alan leaves for work.

Then Loki needs a diaper. Then Ander needs breakfast. If both boys are taken care of, I get a bath. (Ha ha ha ha ha. Like that ever happens.) Then get dressed, pack cold milk into bags with ice packs, probably change another diaper, maybe eat (yah, right), pack lunch, turn off my laptop and put it in my car, dress the boys, put them in car seats, and, at some point, leave.

I get to my mom's house and pump.

Two and a half hours of work, and it's time to pump again. Maybe I get lunch then, if Loki isn't crying too much.

Two and a half more hours, and then it's pump and pack up the kids. Pumping involves putting together pump, pumping, cleaning the parts, and labeling and storing the milk.

At home, it's feeding and diapers all around before Natchdaddy comes home.

Sigh. I want him to do all this stuff. I want to sit in a nice office. Blog. Check Facebook. Check my message boards. I'm jealous of Daddy.

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Tinkle Tinkle

We have pottying going on!

Yesterday, around 3 p.m., Ander asked to take his nap. First, he wanted a new diaper. Weird, I thought, since he never asks for a new diaper, even when it's soaked and dirty. When I took the diaper off, I noticed it was bone dry.

"Ander, do you need to pee pee?"

"Yes."

"In the potty?"

"Yes."

{Kristy pulls herself off of the floor from the shock and awe of it all}

One hour, fifty songs - including several naughty versions of Rudolph and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, two phone calls, five trips to "check on your brother and be right back", one crying baby nursed on the bathroom floor (so much for nursing in bathrooms is gross...opps), and a plastic fish that squirts water into the toilet later, we had lift-off!

So he wore the big boy undies.

20 minutes later, I asked again. And he did it, again.

After supper, daddy brought him to pee pee.

At bedtime, he was still dry and had gone to the bathroom several times.

Miracles do happen.

(PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let this continue smoothly.)

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Pretend

Apparently, Ander does not know the difference between real and pretend.

On the way to work this morning, I'm driving the car. Ander and Loki are in the backseat. Ander's eyes are staring at the back of the passenger seat and he says, "Mommy, there's a lizard." And he points.

Holy crap, I think. Please don't be a snake. I'm not scared of snakes, usually, but if one gets in the car with the children, I'd be horrified. Then it occurs to me to ask, "Ander, is it real or pretend?"

Ander (casually): "Pretend."

And then, "but it has hands and it's crawling to Mommy."

WHAT!?! OH HOLY MOSES!!!

I glance back. I'm supposed to be driving, in a straight line, but HELLO! So I glance back, and...there's a little head peeking out. UGH!

I still haven't been able to catch him. He keeps crawling under the passenger seat. Think he'll die (and stink) in my car? Think I should go ahead and get my car professionally detailed?

Not pretend, Ander. R-E-A-L real!

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Extremists Piss Me Off

Brien Warning: Lactose Intolerant Readers Should Avoid This Post (And Chocolate Milk...just saying ;))

So my sister had her baby yesterday. She plans to nurse for about 11 or 12 weeks, if all works out. If pumping is easy enough, she might pump a bit longer than that. She certainly would supplement with formula in the meantime, if the baby was getting jaundice or had some problem (just as I did for 24 hours) and won't beat herself up if her milk doesn't come in or something, but she is definitely giving breastfeeding a good try. When she goes back to work at month three, she pretty much plans to go to formula.

The baby was born at 7 a.m. Thursday morning. Today, she still hadn't seen a lactation consultant at 9 a.m. When she asked why, as she had requested one, she was told that you don't get to see one for 24 hours. What?!? So you don't get one when you most don't know what to do? Nice.

A nurse fussed at her for not writing down the duration of nursing sessions correctly on the chart. Hello! My sister has been nursing every 2 and a half hours for 24 hours. She wrote down every session, with no one advising her on how to write it down, and silly Nursebitch complained about the language my brother in law used to describe the nursing. Nursebitch also complained about not being called in to help. Um, shouldn't you offer help? And check on the patient?

Did I mention that Nursebitch was the same nurse that I had my one bad mother/baby nurse experience with 8 weeks ago? Of course she was. Sigh.

Anyway, by the time Lactationwhore saw my sister, the baby had a good latch and suck/swallow/breathe down. My sister had some specific questions. For example, she wanted to know what kind of breastpump to get (for pumping after nursing sessions, in case she wants to bring an occasional bottle out in public) and how to gently wean at the end of the 12 weeks when she goes back to work.

Lactationwhore told her not to get a pump. Just keep nursing 24/7...there's no need to ever be away from the baby. Even if she wantsa to pump. Oh, and that she should just wean the week before going back to work. (Isn't that really quick to wean 8+ feeds a day?) Lactationwhore told my sister how small her boobs are and they they might not produce enough milk, and she shouldn't imagine she has double Ds. And she told her to not turn to family or friends for advice, ever. (Huh? That's where I got my best advice - from women who have been there and done that.)

Way to go. Now my sister is freaking that she will never sleep two hours in a row, because she can't pump after nursing to up production or make a bottle for eventually sleeping longer and that she might not make enough to satisfay baby for three hours.

Of course, her milk production may be low. Who knows? She's only had the baby 24 hours! Nobody knows.

Between Nursebitch and Lactationwhore, my sister doesn't know who to listen to or if she can be successful. That is a horrible way to treat a new mom.

Instead, they should have found out her goals, been supportive of them, and given her clear and realistic explanations of the risks and benefits of her choices so she could make a decision.

Sigh.

I was really mad. Can you tell?

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I Have A New Niece

Jen had her baby girl yesterday morning. We spent the day at the hospital holding the baby. Boy, it's a different experience when your baby is in your room instead of the NICU!

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Feeling Better

Well, I dealt with the client matter this morning. Rach B. (my office manager/secretary) almost made me cry with joy when she said 1) that I handled the client and the phone call impeccably and 2) the my balance in the work account is much higher than I thought, so I won't be that far behind moneywise.

I'm working through my backlog of work now at my mom's. I was at the office all morning, but had to come and feed the baby and eat lunch. Rach is out this afternoon, so I need to work at my mom's or else I'll have to spend all afternoon answering the phone. Plus, at 2 hours before I have to come back to feed the baby, there is no point in leaving.

In lactation news (see, Brien, how I politely give you a heads up ;)), a 6 ounce bottle is no longer big enough for pumping one side in five minutes. Sigh. I am a cow.

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Melancholy

I had a bad day at work today. A client was unhappy and I've tried so hard to make him/her happy...and something happened and I finally have to give up trying to please him/her, so I am withdrawing. I'm also refunding, because even though I KNOW I did nothing wrong and worked hard, that's what is recommended by the experienced lawyers.

I'm broke and sad and feel like a failure today.

Etcetera.

Like the Wind

I went running this morning. I ran slowly and only about half a mile, but I ran the whole time. After not working out for over a year (due to the miscarriage and the pregnancy), it felt really good to get out there. I'll do a mile on Saturday and then I'll start increasing intensity (and stay at a mile for a while).

We spent the weekend with mother-in-law. Loki definitely has colic. Luckily, he liked MIL, so she held him the whole time. Well, except at night. At night, the parents cried and moaned and begged the baby to sleep.

Etcetera.

All About Me

1 Where did we meet? __________________

2. Take a stab at my middle name before I got married? ________________

3. My hair color? ______________________

4. Color of my eyes? _____________________

5. Do I have any siblings? __________________

6. What's one of my favorite things to do? __________________

7. What's my favorite type of music? ____________________

8. Am I shy or outgoing? ____________________________

9. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? _______________________

10. Any special talents? _____________________________

11. How many children do I have? _________________________

12. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing that
I would bring? _______________________

Leave your guesses in the comments. Much luck!

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Supposed To

I'm supposed to be...

off of work today
sleeping
packing
dressing up

Instead of...

negotiating release of client with assistant DA and judge's office while rocking a screaming baby who will not sleep.

Dammit.

I tried to try on red shoes at Target today. R-E-D, people. Heels.

No less than three people interrupted to tell me the baby was cute (ah!), was he a twin with the random other baby that was there (um, no, STRANGER man is holding that other baby), and maybe if I held him different he would burp for me because clearly I wasn't used to giving him a bottle and she breastfeeds exclusively and maybe a new position would help the screaming (yes, lady, you do have a 5 month old, but you saw my two year old, who was, gasp, bottle-fed, and NOTHING is making this kid stop screaming but I can't leave the store yet because the prescription for the yeast infection cream that I need for a BREAST INFECTION BECAUSE HE IS BREAST FEEDING AND THIS IS PUMPED BREASTMILK IS NOT READY AND I'VE BOTTLE FED PLENTY OF BABIES THANK YOU FOR YOUR NOSY ASS CONCERN AND I WANTED TO TRY ON THESE RED SHOES BUT NOW THE MEDS ARE READY AND CAN I GET SOME VALIUM WITH THAT PRETTY PLEASE...sigh). I swear I am a freak magnet. And this lady assumed I normally breastfed, but still...why assume either way?

So my feet are bare.

And I am sleepy.

And my boob is covered in medical goop.

Amen.

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What's With This Kid?

Yesterday, we couldn't feed Loki enough. He wanted to eat a lot and constantly, whether bottle or boobie. Today, he'll barely take either. What the heck? He should be eating right at an ounce a hour or a bit more. Instead, yesterday, he wanted two ounces an hour. Today, nada. Nothing. No mommy, I will NOT eat. You cannot make me. I am the boss.

Sigh.

I got so engorged I had to pump this morning.

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I Voted

I just voted for a black President. And if my candidate loses, a woman will be Vice President. Wow. In 1980, I was 5 years old. I thought only white males would be President in my lifetime. It made me sad. Now, Ander and Loki will NEVER think that! That makes me happy. Hmm...my sons are both white males. It sort of makes your head spin, because of course I'd love to see one of them as President someday, but now they have more competition. Still, competition rocks!

The line next to ours looked about an hour long. The difference between the people in precinct 19A (mine) and 19B (theirs)? A-L last names and M-Z last names. We walked right up and voted. Sucked for them, and sucked for the older ladies working the polls who kept getting fussed at. It's not like they could change the precinct. Shrug.

Ander loves voting. He gets a sucker. Then he got his flu shot. He told the nurse, "my name is Ander. I will close my eyes and open my mouth." Because, you know, an open mouth is required for a flu shot. LOL. Then, he counted with the nurse, said, "that hurt," and asked where he could collect the promised sucker and sticker. :) My brave boy!

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Today Is Important

Election Day.

It means that Ander and Loki will grow up knowing that anyone, regardless of race or gender or disability, can be President of the United States. Maybe not if they are not smart enough, or kind enough, or ambitious enough. But skin color, a uterus, or a bum arm is not what will stop you.

I'll be going to vote in a few minutes.

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Going To Work

I'm playing around on the computer this morning, but after I make breakfast, I plan to do a bit of office work, get dressed, pump :(, and go to juvenile court. Alan is staying home with the kids while I return to work. Sigh. I'll still be working from home a lot, since it just saves so much time (as commute time equals an hour a day and getting dressed and packing the kids equals another 45 minutes to an hour). But I have to do some work, so off I go.

I don't feel the dread that I read about of mommy leaving her little ones. I'm leaving them for 3 to 4 hours, with daddy. They will be fine and I'll mostly only be missing their naptime, when I wouldn't see them anyway. Also, I'm leaving them with daddy.

The dread is going to work, unprepared. I don't know the cases that are coming up today. I don't know where each case stands or what needs to be done. I'll be playing catch-up and it won't be fun. I love court and I love working with the juveniles, but I usually do not miss. I try to stay on top of everything. Now, I'm stuck trying to keep my head above water because I missed court two months in a row. Sigh. Maternity leave is too short, but too long at the same time.

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Why I Like My Priest

I attend Catholic Church. Sometimes it's difficult, because I disagree with certain church teachings (opposition to barrier method birth control, male-only priests, opposition to homosexuality, and voting anti-abortion...though I live and am pro-life, I don't think that's the government's call...come to mind readily).

But last week, Father Mike reminded the congregation to love the people that made them uncomfortable. He said, specifically, to love our gay brothers and sisters. (Aside - my friends who are homosexual do not make me uncomfortable. I assume Father Mike, if he could tailor his sermon just for me, would tell me to love racists and Republicans and parents who don't take care of their kids. But Father Mike was trying to give examples that make most of his congregation uncomfortable.) When he said to love your gay brothers and sisters, I saw people actively sqirm. But what I noted was what he didn't say. He didn't ask me to pray for their "sinful souls." He did not ask me to pray they would turn straight or become priests. No, he simply asked me to love them. That is what religion should be. My religion should not mean imposing my religious views on you or praying you change your mind. My religion should be about how I act and the choices I make everyday. Father Mike made that clear.

This week, he told us to vote. He did not tell us how to vote. I loved that.

And we sang a song in church.

Death, destruction, and despair.
People dying everywhere.
On your birthday.

Now that's a priest with a sense of humor! On All Soul's Day, I'll be praying for all souls. Not "evil" souls or "unsaved" souls or only souls of my loved ones, but ALL SOULS. I suspect that's what Father Michael does, too.

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There Are People

There really, truly are. People who never have to do dishes, fold laundry, or clean off the island in the kitchen. There are people who never have to cook a meal or go to the office. There are people who spend their whole lives never having to do mundane tasks for themselves. I want to be rich, not to have stuff, but to be one of those people.

Instead, I woke from the family nap (in the family bed, which only happens during the day and leaves me more exhausted than not sleeping) to cook a chili, do some dishes, put away groceries, and clean off the island. And that's just the have-tos list.

If I were rich, someone else would warm the baby bottle (oh, let's just face reality...I serve it cold), prepare the changing table, and pick up the toys. Soemone else would change the batteries in the swing, mobile, and bouncy seat. Someone else would do the piles of laundry. I'd still take care of the kids (I like that part), but the "nanny" could set up the playdoh area for us, and we'd just have to sit and play. Bliss.

Will you be my servant? I won't pay you, but think of the eternal reward.

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Treats, Treats, Treats

My brother-in-law drove a trailer over my big toe. OUCH! Ander cried when it was time to actually trick or treat. And I ate so much my tummy hurts, today.

But it was the best Halloween ever. Doris and her kids visited my mom's house. The kids played pretty well. (I can only hope that Hunter didn't bully Doris's son too much. But they seemed to have fun, at least.) We sat around and talked and laughed and it was great!

Ander was a cute dalmation. And Loki was the cutest pumpkin ever, though I should have dressed him as a vampire.

My favorite moment was when Ander opened up a pumpkin Pez dispenser and yelled, excitedly, "batteries...I GOT BATTERIES." He loves his batteries, and keeps making me put more batteries in the Pez so he can eat them.

Sunny reminded me, after I called her at 10 a.m., that some people are still young enough to go drinking on Halloween and appreciate if you don't call them until after noon. Opps, my bad! I'm so old now that it didn't even occur to me she'd be asleep. :/

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