We talked about spending two nights in Denver instead of some other smaller town since the rest of the trip is with family in a smaller town or in the mountains. Also, Denver puts us one hour closer to our final destination, and, on the day we drive to our final destination, we have an early appointment.
He agreed that Denver sounded best (with no debate or anything - it just made sense), so I made the change on Google Calendar and emailed him.
He updated the itinerary. Rather, he SAID he did. He did not change the two days to Denver, because he "couldn't figure out why I did that."
Seriously, y'all, even though he is COMPLETELY on board with Denver, he keeps FORGETTING the discussion. He is not senile. He has ALWAYS been like this.
Once he sees a path or plan, he cannot deviate from the plan at all.
For example, he takes the same route to work everyday. He knows all the other routes, but if there is an accident or he needs to run an errand, he NEVER deviates from the route. He sits in stopped traffic or he runs the errand and returns to the route, even though it's faster to just drive from the errand to home!
Or he will plan dinner of meatloaf and roasted veggies. If he finds out that I found ribeyes on sale, he still wants to eat the meatloaf and veggies. He cannot deviate from the plan. Show up at a restaurant with a 45 minute wait? He can't leave the restaurant.
That's weird, right?
I think a real part of his problem is a lack of a day planner.
Paper planners force you to train your brain to remember details and make decisions.
TIP: Write things down, even if it seems like you will remember.
When I decided on Denver with him, I wrote it down. That act sealed the idea of Denver in my mind. Later, when I saw the note, it triggered my memory of the discussion.
He only passively listened. My arguments made sense, so without any angst or memory-creating tension, he agreed.
When I entered Denver, I also made a note to check hotel locations and leisure activities.
He didn't take that step.
Once again, the memory was strengthened in my brain, and in writing, and not in his.
I also am used to deciding between several options. My planner only has so much space. I have to be aware of what I am planning to do, but willing to change the plans if things don't fit. I practice that skill.
He doesn't.
TIP: Don't be afraid to change course if something isn't working.
Finally, I make decisions quickly. I have to, in order to put them in my planner. If circumstances change, I change my mind.
He takes his time deciding stuff, but by the time he is done deciding, he is pretty stuck to that point of view.
TIP: Go ahead and make a decision. You aren't stuck with it forever!
All my planning makes it easier for me to handle a change of plans.
Now, if I could just get my husband on board.
Etcetera.
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Chic on a Shoestring
5 comments:
You too? But then again, he's never wrong or forgets. Uh Huh.
On this note, I would say that I am kind of lucky. My husband is horrible at keeping up with schedules and such. If it weren't for me, he would never get to the doctor, the dentist, or buy the correct items at the grocery store. lol. When we got married, we agreed that I would handle keeping up with schedules, bills, lists, etc. Because I was a stay at home mom at that time. I had the kids and that was my job (this was my idea. he is a "do what you would like to do honey" kind of guy).
So, when we began discussing plans I sit down with him at the table with MY planner and the plans are made. I got so used to doing it that way, I would feel strange if i didn't keep up with his appointments. He says that he has to worry about all that stuff at work and it is nice to come and be able to depend on me. I don't mind, never have. It's actually an easier system for us than it would be if he kept a calendar and always forgot to write stuff down. I'd probably be a widow. :)
That's funny! I would be like that, too, if I didn't write it down.
But seriously, preach it, sister! What you said is the absolute truth!
My husband always says that our strengths complement one another's. I do the finances, the scheduling, the planning, the details. He handles major repairs, heavy yard work, auto maintenance. It works for us, and I never have to worry about if he's keeping track of something adequately (except recently when I had a family emergency and had to leave home for 10 days).
Of all the tips in this post, the one that really jumps out at me is WRITE THINGS DOWN, EVEN IF IT SEEMS LIKE YOU WILL REMEMBER. This is something I both swear by and struggle with. It's hard to explain. I don't fully understand it myself. I'm the type of person who writes "Wash dishes" on her to-do list, but forgets to write things like "Schedule kid's dentist appointment." Or I may write it down, but then forget to actually do it. Or I'll go grocery shopping without a list. Consistency is not my strong suit.
I love using a planner, but I'm horrible at it, too. That's why I love your blog and YouTube channel. You have so many great tips! Thank you for doing what you do. You give people like me hope that we can and will eventually get it together. :)
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