Crying in Public

On Tuesdays, I move from my blog niche (that's the fancy term for writing a blog about a particular subject) of organizing and order to an off topic post.

Usually, that post is about a topic that I feel strongly about, like kids with exceptionalities, and I speak from my heart. But I distance it from myself a bit. I don't get too personal.

Today, I'm getting personal.

Lately, I've been crying in public.

I'm not saying that my eyes water and I choke back tears. No, that would be fine.

I mean wailing, sobbing, uncontrollable crying, complete with confessions of whatever happens to bother me at the moment.

And right now, there is a lot bothering me.

My youngest kid is struggling. He is getting in trouble at school, dealing with seizures, and finding coping with life difficult.

I've had some health scares. I'm fine, but I have to work out regularly and eat better. Those tasks take commitment, time, and planning. It's exhausting sometimes.

I'm not sleeping well or eating well.

So when the school calls about yet another behavior incident, I burst into sobs. 

When I go to Mass, I weep in the pews. 

If anything the least bit emotional happens, I lose myself to the tears.

It needed to change.

I'm not one to sit back and just let it happen, so I am facing the problem head on. 

Here's how I am dealing with crying in public, in case it helps someone else.

Seek Treatment

I called and made an appointment with a mental health specialist. I am now in therapy and getting meds to help me cope.

Make Peace

There are a couple of people who I cannot avoid and must interact with, but they have hurt my feelings lately, so I find myself crying during or after any interactions with them. 

I made appointments with the people. At the very least, I can at least say that my feelings were hurt and I'd like to find a way to move forward. If I am really lucky, I'll repair the relationships.

But if I try and fail, at least I won't feel guilty when I cry over their actions.

Move More

I'm working out at least two out of every three days. That creates a boost in mood.

Do Pleasant Things

I enjoy walks outdoors, reading novels, and chatting with friends. I'm scheduling more of that and less of things that I hate doing.

Accept Sympathy

I'm a smart lady. I realize that none of this is the answer to my problem. I'll still lose control and cry in public sometimes. But I'll let my friends listen and comfort me.

I am determined to get over the embarrassment of this new, overwhelming symptom and live my life, instead of hiding! I am a strong woman and refuse to let depression keep me locked inside my house.

If you are struggling with depression or some other form of mental illness, seek help.

Crying in public, for me, was the breaking point that pushed me to seek help. I hope you don't get there.

I truly wish that, instead, reading this will be your catalyst to get mental health treatment if you need it. 

If you know a friend who needs to hear this, please share this link with them on social media. You might just save her life!

Etcetera.

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